Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Things are getting busy again. It's quite ironic how I like doing everything, but I dislike being busy.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A few years ago, I never thought I could be the person I am today. I would never in a million years imagined the person I have become. I mean, I'm still not completely happy with who I am, but who ever is? And considering I am a perfectionist, I probably never will be. But I think i'm at a place where I can be content.

In primary school I was a dork. I had hardly any friends. I had no confidence, no self esteem. I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, annoying, and completely and utterly useless. Maybe some of those things were true, or maybe I just wasn't looking at myself right. At the beginning of high school I was an attention seeker, I wanted to rebel, I wanted to be 'cool'. I wasn't.
I was always compared to my siblings because they were 'better' than me, and maybe they were. But inside, I knew I could be more. I just didn't think anyone else would ever see it.

That's why it means so much to me, that finally, people are seeing it. That i've become confident enough to be who I am. I actually have an idea of who I am. I was living under a cloud for so long, and it always rained. But I think I can see the sun. It's trying to break through. I hope it does.

I don't think I'm perfect. I don't think I'm good at most things I do. And I'm not just saying that. When I put on my 'modest face', it isn't an act. Recognition, praise, they were things I never thought I would get. I'm genuinly happy.

A few years ago, I wouldn't recognise who I am today.
But I still have a long way to go.

Something that really gave me hope this week was this bible verse:

They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away

Revelations 21:3-4

I read that and was like, wow. Really gives you hope when you're down.

Just another everyday fairytale,
Erin x


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