Friday, October 30, 2009


For some reason I can't seem to find any motivation at the moment. I am putting off things that I know I need to do. I know that unless I put some effort in I will achieve poorly this term, but for some reason that still doesn't motivate me. If I don't do well I will regret it, but my brain is mush at the moment and can't process anything.

I've gained 3kg. 3 friggen 3kg.

Months of self control, of hard work, of being more hungry than not, of starvation...for nothing.

But I can't find any self control anymore, I can't say no. I want to say no.

Every morning I wake up and say that I will be good that day, that I will start again to exhibit self control and to practise a healthy lifestyle. Every day, I fail.

3kg doesn't sound like much, but if this lack of self control continues, that number will increase.

Reminds me of a song I recently wrote:

"When perfect isn't good enough
What can you do?
When beautiful isn't pretty enough
Who are you?"

I want to do my assignmnents. I really want to. But I just...can't.

Do all fairytales have to include true love?
Because my fairytale has been rather lacking in it.
I don't know if I'll ever find someone who could possibly understand and love me completely.

Despite these rantings I'm not in a bad mood. I just feel very apathetic. I am rather happy at the moment, despite the aforementioned problems.

Life is the greatest blessing of all. So make the most of every day.

Just another everyday fairytale,
Erin x


design by