Monday, December 14, 2009


I haven't blogged anything for ages. Usually I use blogging to put words to the crazy things that go on in my head, or to write about the world through my eyes.

But I haven't had anything to write about for a while. And when I did, I didn't have to energy to blog it.

I'm slowly beginning to feel my energy coming back though, but I can't do too much or I get really tired. Today I baked cupcakes, and by the end of it I had to sit down because I physically could not stand anymore. But I'm getting better.

I had the strangest dream two nights ago.

I was being held prisoner by this person, yes they're a real person in my life, but I won't mention who they are, and they were torturing me. I don't know why they were torturing me, probably just for fun. They would cut off my limbs, or even slice my body in two, then somehow, I would come back to life again the next day, just to have it done all over again. You know in dreams how things change? Well at first I didn't recognise my torturer, they were just a person. But after a while they turned into someone that I know. After being tortured for however long it was, I was taken to a death camp, where hundreds of prisoners are taken to be killed. We were in the car on the way there, when the scariest thing happened in the whole dream. Scarier than being tortured, scarier than going to a death camp. I was sitting next to my torturer (who at this point is now the person that I know) and I asked them why they tortured people. I don't exactly remember their response, but I think it had something to do with money. I was disgusted. Then, at some point during the car ride, they kissed me. I said (something to this effect):
"Why did you do that? Is it because you actually care about me? Or just because you know this is the last time you're ever going to see me, because shortly I will be dead?"
The car stopped and I got out. He never answered my question.

When I woke up, I remembered that question so vividly. I remembered asking it as though it came from my own physical lips. I remember the look on his face as if he were right there before me. I still felt my gut wrenching.

That whole morning I could hardly speak. I was lost in a whirlwind of confusion. They were the last person I thought I'd be dreaming out, yet the dream metaphorically depicted exactly what my feelings are towards him. But just to clear things up, there was absolutely nothing romantic about that kiss.

Well i've since reminded myself that they are a person I know longer wish to think about, and I seem to have settled my mind again. However, I don't think I will forget that dream for a while, It's images will continue to haunt me.

Just another everyday fairytale,
Erin x

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