Saturday, November 7, 2009


A health freak with a sweet tooth.
A determined personality with a lazy attitude.
A stubborn girl with a lack of self control.

Why am I a contradiction?
Maybe everyone is like that, maybe they're not. It's frustrating.
One day I'll eat really healthy, or I won't eat much at all. I'll be proud of my effort.
But the next day I won't care the least about health or body image, and gorge on sugar and fat all day.

One day I'll work so hard on an assignment because I really want to do well. The next, I'll procrastinate because I have no motivation.

One day I'll spend every minute thinking inappropriate thoughts about people I shouldn't be thinking about and flirting with them at every opportunity. The next day, I'll regret my lack of morals and self control, and realise that there's more to life.

I guess lots of people are like that too, but it is rather annoying. You can't find stability. You don't actually know what you want.

I'm almost counting down the days until holidays. I know I just have to keep working hard for a little bit longer, and then i can collapse. The two months off school are going to be great. I'm going to make them great. I'm going to relax and do things just for the fun of it, not because I have to. I'm going to exercise lots and be outdoors. I'm going to go on adventures and discover and learn new things. I'm going to catch up with old friends and make new friends. I'm going to recover and rejuvinate. I'm going to do things I've always wanted to do, and do things that I'll regret. I'm going to redecorate my new room, and move out of my old room. I'm going to spend time with the people I love, my family, my sisterhood, my circle of friends and my extended friends. I'm going to be young, be free, and be a teenage girl. I'm going to live.

So that when I walk through those school gates for the last first time, I will be ready for a year of hard work, dedication and memories.

I was thinking of making a scrapbook for my last year of school. I think that'd be nice. Something I can show my kids, something that I can always remember.

But most of all, I'm going to be happy.

Doesn't sound like a big ask, but trust me it is. Even the relative happiness I'm experiencing now is amazing compared to how I used to feel. I think, I hope, that I'm through my angsty teenage years. That I'm finished fighting for everyday.

Sure, there will still be ups and downs in the future. I will still do stupid things. I will still feel sadness and disappointment. That's just life. But this time i'm ready for it. This time i've got hope, a positive attitude, God, experience and amazing friends to help me through. This time I won't let it beat me.

The meaning of life is to give life meaning.

The best gifts in life are not those you recieve, but those you give.

Keep smiling, the sun always rises after night.

Just another everyday fairytale,
Erin x


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