Sunday, November 22, 2009


Haven't blogged for ages, guess that reflects how busy I have been, considering how much I enjoy blogging.

Today my youth group is going to the Rosewood Church just outside Ipswich. We've been there once before, its really nice. Unfortunately I can't go, I have an exam tomorrow and i need all afternoon and night to study for it.

Which is quite a shame really because the drive there is really nice. I like long drives. I used to hate them as a kid but I guess with new technologies such as ipods, they're more enjoyable now. I love the feeling of sitting in a car, looking out the window at new and wonderful scenery, and listening to music that brings up images, feelings and scenarios. You feel as if you are escaping.

Not only the physical sense, but the emotional and mental sense too.

When I listen to music it conjours up stories, images, feelings, scenarios, people. They story matches the song. When I listen to music I'm a thousand miles away, feeling different things, talking to different people, sometimes even living a different life. Sometimes these imaginings are vivid enough to make me fall in love, sometimes they're real enough to make me cry.

But apart from that, it also gives you a time to reflect. To be at peace. You can sit still and do nothing during a long car ride, and still not get restless because there's a whole world out your window passing you by.

Pity I can't go. Pity I have to stay at home all night and study.

Recently, my heart has been changing. I think it's letting go. Finally.
Then again, maybe it's not.
It's almost been four years. Four years is a long time.
Maybe that's why I never felt right with anyone else. Because i couldn't let go. Because they only had what was left over of my heart, what wasn't already taken.

But with every passing day I think the part of my heart that is taken is gradually shrinking.
I think it's letting go.

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?
Goodbye my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.
-Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
Beautiful song.
I don't think he's my Prince Charming. I don't think he ever will be.
It took me four years to realise that.
But now I'm free.
Just another everyday fairytale,
Erin x


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